The Big Bang Theory is an American sitcom about a group of geeky 20-something academics who have been blessed with intelligence but are woefully lacking in the social graces. Hilarity ensues!
one
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
two
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): You have a sarcasm sign?
three
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
four
Howard: I am a horny engineer. I never joke about math or sex.
five
Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?
six
Sheldon: Ah gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
seven
Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
eight
Sheldon: Everything is better with Bluetooth.
nine
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
ten
Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
Leonard: *opens door* What Sheldon? What Sheldon? What Sheldon?
Sheldon [holding his laptop]: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
eleven
Leonard: If he were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
Sheldon: Oh, SNAP.
twelve
Penny: Ok, here you go Leonard. One tequila sunrise!
Leonard: Thank you! You know, this drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container!
thirteen
Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Rajesh: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Ok, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnatude worse than Star Trek 5.
Rajesh: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured!
fourteen
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one's opponent.
Rajesh: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Rajesh: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.
fifteen
Rajesh: How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!!
sixteen
Howard [reading his mobile phone]: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Rajesh: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.
seventeen
Howard: I guess times have changed since we were young. Smart is the new sexy.
Leonard: Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart.
Rajesh: Maybe we're too smart. So smart it's off-putting.
eighteen
Howard: Sheldon, I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.
nineteen
Howard [to Leonard, after a round of Dance Dance Revolution]: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard [to Sheldon]: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!
twenty
Howard: Raj, there's no place for truth on the Internet.
Bonus link
Sheldon Shirts — wear nerdy t-shirts like Sheldon's and Leonard's, or belt buckles like Howard's!
Previously on Lists Galore!
iEverything: 20 marvelous items inspired by the iPod & iPhone
18 out-of-this-world Star Wars cakes
Follow us on Twitter!
