one
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" ~ Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
two
"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." ~ Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)
three
"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star." ~ Grandpa Simpson (The Simpsons)
five
"If we don't go back there and make that event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed... And as an environmentalist, I'm against that." ~ Al Gore (Futurama)
six
"Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men." ~ Zapp Brannigan (Futurama)
seven
"Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker." ~ Bender (Futurama)
eight
"By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint — it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls." ~ Peter Griffin (Family Guy)
nine
"Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster." ~ Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)
ten
"Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" ~ Brian (Family Guy)
four
"I'm going to make you cry and dip my cookie in your tears." ~ Roger (American Dad!)
Elizabeth Stamatina "Tina" Fey (born May 18, 1970) is an American actress, comedienne, writer, and producer. In 1999 she became the first-ever female head writer for 'Saturday Night Live' and in 2004 she made her screenwriting and movie-acting debut with 'Mean Girls.' In 2006 she became the creator, writer and star of her own series, the wildly popular '30 Rock', a behind-the-scenes comedy about an SNL-type show.
one I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.
two Researches reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.
three At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.
four A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.
five President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.
six In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
seven If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
eight I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.
nine I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.
ten Prostitutes in Lyons, France, sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko's — "You fax these, I'll let you shave me." Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9? This just proves what my boyfriend always says — that I am dumber than a French whore.
Brooklyn-based textile artist Elodie Blanchard sums up our Google-happy age with her clever limited-edition cushions that are screen-printed with the top ten Google searches of the year.
A set of four tea towels sporting a series of authentic Google search results returned by searching for 'Please Help Me', 'Is Anybody there?', 'Please listen to me' and, 'Can you hear me?'
Mystery Seeker is a bit spooky, a bit social, and FULL of surprises. Enter a search term in this engine and you'll get back somebody else's Google search results.
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Elizabeth Stamatina "Tina" Fey (born May 18, 1970) is an American actress, comedienne, writer, and producer. In 1999 she became the first-ever female head writer for 'Saturday Night Live' and in 2004 she made her screenwriting and movie-acting debut with 'Mean Girls.' In 2006 she became the creator, writer and star of her own series, the wildly popular '30 Rock', a behind-the-scenes comedy about an SNL-type show.
